Issue No. 7: The Importance of Knowing Yourself

Written by: Laura Brooks

At some point in our lives, we have all probably wondered why we act the way we do. Questions such as, “Why do I think this way?”, “What makes me react the way I do?” and “Why do I view situations differently than my friends?” have crossed our minds occasionally in each of our lifetimes. We’re constantly in search to know why we are the way we are, and if we knew these answers it would develop in us a whole new type of intelligence. Knowing yourself opens up your eyes to a totally new way of perceiving yourself and others around you. The cruciality of knowing who you are will not only benefit you, but also your relationships with people. Understanding how you work is the first step to build a better life for yourself and the people you choose to have in your life. But how do we do that?

It has been said that employers are beginning to consider people who are more emotionally in touch with themselves for jobs than people who are not. So, you may be asking, how do I get to know myself? Unfortunately, there is not one, clear, specific answer. Knowing yourself comes with a lot of things. Experiencing life, meeting new people, gaining knowledge, and getting out of your comfort zone are all ways to identify who you are and your beliefs/values. Luckily though, in modern times we are spoiled to have access at our fingertips to take something called “personality tests”. A personality test is an easy way to find out what type of personality you have. Every test is different, but the enneagram test has recently become the most popular and accurate. Over 1.3 million people have taken the test just this past month. To break it down, you answer a variety of questions about yourself and end up with a number that best fits your personality. The test will give you a description of what each personality (or number) is like. Your number will tell you your weaknesses, strengths, likes, dislikes, what you need out of relationships, what you give, and it even goes as specific as to what jobs your personality type would thrive in. Although there is no explicit strategy to finally find a way to know yourself, taking a personality test is unquestionably a great step in the right direction. When people are more emotionally intelligent about themselves and others, that automatically puts them above those who are not.

Well now what? You took the personality test, you have the description of your personality, what do you do with this information? You take it and observe. Observe yourself, observe your friends, and observe your relationships. First and foremost, it needs to be known that you are doing this for yourself. You are learning new things about yourself and discovering what person you are so you can live a life that you have always wanted, so you can be understanding, and even happy, with the person you are and will become. Are you happy with how you are handling situations? Are you happy with your emotions, or your beliefs? Deciphering why you think and act a certain way can help you understand your emotions better and as a result learn how to control them. Learning about yourself reveals the good... and maybe not-so-great (we all have them!) characteristics about ourselves. We will be able to see what we need to work on to better ourselves, because there is always room for improvement. It allows you to have self-awareness and gain more confidence. The weaknesses and strengths that we all have are now seen when we know how ourselves work and react. Understanding this allows us to control our weaknesses and use our strengths. This creates confidence. And self-worth. It is easier to own up to your actions and recognize why you made a decision if you know who you are and what attributes you contain. Knowing what traits you encompass is a superpower not many people have or realize they should have. The process of figuring out who you are and what you stand for can be long but be patient! You are not only furthering your identity and contentment with yourself, but also bettering your relationships with the people you surround yourself with.

The significance of knowing who you are is the key to the relationships you have with the people in your life. This goes for any type of relationship: friendships, romantic relationships, acquaintanceships, familial relationships, etc. Having self-awareness of yourself and your battles lets you better empathize with others. Friends are a big part of our lives; we want to understand them and for them to understand us. Cultural restraints often force us to be too selfish with our own needs and not enough with others, or sometimes we push our personal needs back and only focus on other people’s needs. Finding the balance is what comes with knowing who you are, what you want, and what other important people in your life want. In all relationships, it is crucial for the ones involved to understand one another. For example, it would be an advantage to know what makes your coworkers or boss tick so you know what to expect and the most efficient way to react. To do this, it is vital to observe and sympathize with them when they open up. The state of actually appreciating others and wanting to know more about them comes with the satisfaction of knowing who you are and not being self-involved with solely your thoughts all of the time. Personality psychologists have said, “the literature on personality, relationship functioning, and well-being has been focused primarily on individual differences in the way a person behaves, paying relatively little attention to the perceived impacts of others’ behavior.” To better our relationships with the people in our lives, the understanding of one’s behavior is much more impactful than the focus of the difference between one another.

Rediscovering who you are and finding out all these little, amazing things about yourself is a beautifully long process. Don’t get discouraged. Although figuring out how you act a certain way and understanding why you do what you do is insightful, do not allow that for you to make excuses for yourself. Having a short temper may come along with your personality, but that shouldn’t define who you are or stop you from trying to seek more patience and calmness in your life. Do not let a personality test confine you. The whole point in knowing yourself is to realize you can do things you didn’t know you could. You do possess qualities you didn’t think you had. The knowledge you have of yourself does not mean you need to change; it means you have control of what you have and control of how you want to use it. Control is an amazing thing when it comes to yourself and knowing who you are allows you to do just that. There is a sense of freedom that comes with it. As Socrates once said, “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom”.