Issue No. 3: How To Be Selfish

As women, it is time to begin putting ourselves first. And no, not in a narcissistic, conceited, “better than thou” way, but we need to start being selfish. Self-care is important for personal growth. Start to put yourself first. It is natural for us to want to please people, or be there for people, or want people to like us. However, it can get exhausting. Constantly trying to contort yourself into someone perfect, when the reality is, no perfect person exists. In today’s world it is so easy for us to compare ourselves to each other or to the “perfect people” we see on our phone screens 24/7, but we need to try and resist that urge. Social media and the internet have made it so that the world is at our fingertips, and it is up to us to decide how we let it affect ourselves.

Modern technology has made reaching people effortless. If I want to talk to someone, I can call or text them, and they will most likely answer in a timely manner. Always being available to someone adds pressure to make sure you keep in contact. While it is important to stay in touch, you also need to make sure you are setting aside time for yourself. Make sure you are taking the time you need to grow into the person you aspire to be. You want to be a girl boss? Go do it! No one is going to do it for you. You need to take time for yourself to discover what you want to be and how you are going to reach that goal. Whether it is turning down plans, unplugging from the pressure that comes with our handheld screens, or ridding destructive elements in your life, making time for yourself is significant for both your personal growth and mental health. So how do you do that?

1. Make time. Reserve a spot in your day to check in with yourself. How are you feeling? Are you on the right track? Do you have the right mentality for today? Make time to shift your focus on positive thoughts and self-reflect. Linda Joy reminds us, “Your soul needs time for solitude and self-reflection. In order to love, lead, heal, and create you must nourish yourself first”. Some activities to try would be meditation, reading, journaling, or even giving yourself a spa day. Paint your nails! Throw your hair up and put on a face mask. A little extra effort to make yourself feel better will do wonders. Having time to be alone with your thoughts is such a crucial part in knowing yourself and becoming more confident in who you are. Yes, putting yourself first can be intimidating, especially if you are not used to doing it, but it is necessary for a healthy mind and soul.

2. Stop comparing. You hear this all the time. I know it’s repetitive, but only because it’s true. Don’t compare yourself to other people. Lift other women up, but don’t tear yourself down in the process. For example, try complimenting people more. Don’t do it just to expect a compliment in return, but if you genuinely admire something you see, tell them! We all know receiving compliments make us feel good, so why not spread more of that? It takes little to no effort to make someone’s day a little brighter. Seeing the highlight reel of people’s lives every day lures us to compare. It can be difficult because we are constantly seeing beautiful, successful women everywhere, especially on social media. But we have to remember what makes life exciting is that everyone has their own timeline and is beautiful in their own, unique way.

3. Cleanse. Get rid of anything in your life that you feel may cause toxic thoughts. Do you have something that reminds you of negative times or triggers something negative within yourself? Throw it out. If there is someone in your life who only brings you down and makes you doubt yourself, why are they still a part of it? There’s no room in your life for that. Good riddance is a saying for a reason. That may be doing something as simple as limiting your time on social media or distancing yourself from people who don’t encourage you (at least six feet please!). Whatever it is that will bring you peace, do it. Life is too short to hold onto things that don’t make you happy, bring you peace, or lift you and your dreams up.

It’s scary putting yourself above others. There is no doubt about that. But once you are able to achieve that, the rest will follow. You can’t expect others to love you and speak encouragement to you when you don’t even do that to yourself. Get to know you before other people. Why wouldn’t you want to get to know yourself, you’re amazing! Try and see it as a fun, exciting journey. The inspiring Virgnia Woolf once said, “No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself”. You never know what you will learn about yourself once you take that necessary time to do just that.

Image by @sasa_elebea